Second Day in a Row...

This evening I have one goal: to go to bed early.

I have to put my husband to bed early since he has a sinus infection, a fever, and he has to get up around 4:30am to take our friends to the airport. Since I'll be giving him lots of drugs and making him go to bed early, and I have used up all of my productive energy, brain power, and ability to speak English for the day, I figured I'd go ahead and put myself to bed early too. The blinding headache is not doing a whole lot for my motivation either.

Work is getting very stressful, even more so than normal. We are a five doctor clinic, we had one of those doctors move to Ohio, and one more finishing his residency in two weeks. So we will have two full time doctors and one new, green, resident seeing five doctors worth of patients. That means about twice as many appointments in a regular day, which means twice as many opportunities for things to get really really complicated. We do well. We technicians kick serious ass, and work well together under pressure. We have a lot of reasons to be very proud of our hard work. I just wish all of it left me with more energy at the end of the day.

I get sick of spending all of my non-work hours rationing my energy and making sure I get enough rest so I don't burn out or get sick. All of life is a balancing act, I realize this. I have to factor in management of a chronic disease, a full time fast-paced job, a new marriage, and every day demands like bills and such. I have a special needs life, and I'm having trouble learning how to take care of myself.

I have this dream of working part time because I want to, not because it is vitally necessary to survival. In my dream I work part time, I still have medical insurance, I have time to take care of myself and my husband, and I don't end each day feeling like a survived a 10 hour boot camp. What a lovely dream that is. So lovely, in fact, that I'm going to shut the computer down, lie down in my bed, and see if I can find it again somewhere behind my eyelids.